When It's Calm in the Harbor But You Can See the Storm: Borrowing Trouble
Everything is fine. You know this. Your mug is still full, your computer is running perfectly, the baby is asleep or with grandma or safe or wherever, it doesn't matter, he isn't here wondering why you're paying more attention to the glowing box than to him and everything is fine.
You've been productive. You've been kind. You've been attentive. You've been generous. You've been understanding. You've been patient. You've laughed. You've enjoyed the little things in life.
Every once in awhile, though, your fingers idly graze the touchscreen and it pops up: the calendar.
It's all-knowing and it's chock-full of nonsense, row upon row of the difficulties of working parenthood: school for the kid, errands for the husband, a whole variety of contract jobs and birthday parties and teaching for you. Doctor's appointments, vet, buy groceries, pay bills. It's likely handleably simple and you're not an idiot, but if it isn't in there it's not getting done, and it has to get done.
In the mix of it, it's fine. But when you're idly grazing your fingers, the anxiety takes over because it hasn't started yet and what if it's not fine and you'd better soak these holidays up because you will be literally broken in half by June if you keep up this insanity.
How do you handle stress? I tend to hunker down and snap at my family. I turn everything else in my brain off and try to burrow through to the other side. But the kind of stress that happens when you can predict stress does not require the same response, even though it begs for it at the corners of my brain.
Today, I will do two things on my work plan. Writing this blog is one of them. Drafting a form letter and putting an email list together is the other one. If both of those things are done, I will get up and move a little before continuing onto a third task. But I will remind myself repeatedly that I am ahead of the game.
The storm is coming, but there is space between me and the darkness. I have time to gather supplies. My umbrella is ready. I am stocked. I am dry. And there will be a lot of work in a very short period of time, but it isn't just doable...it's required. And I am uniquely suited to do it.